#44: Beer Pong Assholes

What is the object of beer pong? The object is obviously to get shithoused. Otherwise you wouldn't drink beer while you were playing it. This is why its such an awesome game. Even if you lose, you still win. And it also can't be a real sport because I've seen women beat men at it (this has never happened to me personally FYI). So whats up with these soupy ass fuck heads that think winning a game of beer pong or knowing every single rule ever invented for it makes them the coolest thing since raw dogging? Answer: these are the people who have never been good at anything else in their entire lives. Since they take beer pong so fucking seriously they think it makes them king of the castle or some shit. But really it just makes them seem like a tool.



STORY TIME-So no shit there I am at my friend's house, I don't remember exactly when but it was sometime last summer. And I'm playing beer pong with some kid who I don't know and is already rubbing me the wrong way. By "rubbing me the wrong way" I mean that if this kid was standing on the road and a bus was coming by at a high speed I probably would push him in front of it. Let's call him "Dipshit McGraw". I had my beer in my hand that I had filled with like 2 cups cause I had already drank like 3/4ths of a bottle of Burnett's and that shit is gross, so I wanted to kind of pace myself considering it was 6 in the afternoon. Then my phone rings, and I put my cup down on the table and go pick it up. Next thing I know Dipshit McGraw is yelling some stupid "Death Cup Death Cup" bullshit at me and the other kids are just confused. So I say "Oh Dipshit McGraw, whatever the FUCK are you talking about" and he gives me some gayness about how the ball landed in my beer cup I had earlier put down on the table. "So we'll wash it off then" I say. Nope apparently the DEATH CUP means we lose instantly, or so says Dipshit McGraw. Now I can understand that he was bummed about losing but then he started whining about how shitty I was and telling other people shit like don't talk to that guy he's an idiot. Just generally being a stuck up faggot. A)if you were that concerned about winning why the fuck did you even bring it up because no one else knows what you're talking about and B) its a game of beer pong so get a fucking grip. Oh and I failed to mention all this kid had had to drink was 3 beer cups and maybe two Keystone lights. So in addition to being a fucking idiot he was also a lightweight. Probably had a baby dick too.


The moral of this story is don't be a fucking idiot and bring the vibe of the party down just because you lost a game of beer pong. And don't be an asshole when someone doesn't know all the fucking rules ever created. Most of us don't sit on the computer and look up beer pong rules we can bring up to seem cool at the next party we go to. In fact, here's another rule I just came up with. If you know all the rules to beer pong, you are therefore banned from all parties to think about how pathetic it is that you know so much about beer pong.