#43: People Who Complain About Winter/Snow

How fucking spoiled are you? You don't like cold weather? No one gives a shit. Especially the weather itself. Last time I checked, low pressure systems don't have feelings and they aren't going to leave if you call them stupid. Barometers never commit suicide because people are talking shit about them on facebook. I may as well go whine to the president or king or shaman or whatever of Mexico and tell him to have all the immigrants that don't speak english stop working at the restaurant (Muchas Gracias) by my house. What the hell is so bad about snow anyways? There are 3 main arguments that I hear.

1. It's cold.

No fucking shit. Wear a god damn coat? Stay inside maybe? You don't have to be Matt fucking Zaffino to look outside, see flakes, and realize that maybe its time to bust out the old parka. And if you live in Washington and don't own a warm coat, you should do the world a favor and chug some rat poison because you are clearly a fucking dipshit.

2. It makes it hard to drive.

Not if you don't drive like a fucking retard. Also chains cost what, 50 dollars? Quit being a cheap asshole and buy some. Every year I laugh because I see some dumb cunt in some shitmobile like a 94 mercury or some shit trying to drive to the store for hot cocoa or whatever. Inevitably they will slide out on a turn, or lose control on a hill, and crash into a)other cars b)buildings or my personal favorite, c)unsuspecting pedestrians. You haven't lived until you've seen some dude get laid out by the grill of an f-250.

3. There's nothing to do.

Have you ever heard of this thing called the Winter Olympics? Its like the summer Olympics, but specifically for winter activities. Snowboarding, skiing, crashing into concrete posts...Too soon? Okay you know what, I have no sympathy for that Georgian guy. He gets on a flimsy piece of fucking plastic, and slides 80 mph down a track made purely of ICE surrounded by things that would definitely kill him if he collided with them. What the fuck do you expect? Its not the safest thing in the world. I say we need to go old school and have more deaths at the Olympics. Restore the glory a little bit. But I digress...If you can't find something to do in the snow or in the cold, then you may as well move to Portland with the rest of the depressing losers.

I have to deal with 6 months of summer before I get to shred, you don't hear me fucking complaining about it. So do me a favor and shut the fuck up about hating winter, or snow, or whatever. Its not even bad here in Vancouver, at least this isn't Russia where they have to use poatato skins for blankets and burn hair for warmth.