#33: People Who Sue Other People Over Stupid Ass Shit

,I just went on Google News to see if there was anything cool that happened recently, or to see if Matthew McConaughey had gotten sucked into a plane engine or something (unfortunately, no) and I came across this story. Apparently severe acne raises the risk that someone will commit suicide. In other news of the painfully obvious, people with severe acne are usually losers and have no friends. Not that I give a shit if someone wants to kill themselves, by all means if you can't handle your life then you probably should GTFO, but someone actually sued this company and won a shit ton of money. All because their son had acne and killed himself. That's right mom and dad, it wasn't your fault that the person you BROUGHT INTO THIS WORLD and RAISED decided to Cobain himself, it's the medicine he was taking once a day for his acne. How the fuck a judge could award these idiots any money is beyond me. Honestly, the fact that they won is depressing me a little bit...If I kill myself, somebody sue Google since they put that story up. That's how it works right? Wait that would be fucking retarded? Oh right my bad. Just like the fat fucks who sue McDonald's because they can't stop shoveling fillet-o-fishes down their three flab throats. Ronald McDonald never put a gun to your head and told you to live a sedentary lifestyle and to eat McDonald's for every other meal. So when I hear that Tony Chubmeister won $2.5 million from a suit he filed over the saturated fat content in a Big Mac, I get physically ill. Maybe I should sue puma because they make the socks I'm wearing and my feet are cold (which could lead to frostbite!). Maybe I should sue Trojan because I bought some of their condoms and they were too small for my dick and I didn't have as much fun plowing some slut as I could have(which could lead to me raw dogging it and knocking her up!). Maybe I should sue the president because I can't afford to buy a Ferrari. Hey, he runs this place, whatever's going wrong must be his fault. Wait a second, those things are all COMPLETELY FUCKING STUPID. I also read about this drunk bitch who drove into Galveston Bay in Texas. Her friend got out alive but she couldn't get her seat belt off since she was a woman and therefore can't handle her liquor (or in this case probably Mike's Hard). Anyways, her parents decided to SUE HONDA because their seat belts could not be easily unbuckled by a drunk driver. How fucking stupid is this family? The daughter drives drunk, so drunk she can't unfasten a seat belt, and also drives INTO GALVESTON BAY. I don't know if you guys have heard of Galveston Bay but ITS A FUCKING BAY FULL OF WATER AND IS HARD NOT TO SEE. Then, her parents decide that even though their daughter made all these decisions herself, the fault actually lies with Honda for making working seat belts. Think about how many lives those same seat belts have saved in other wrecks/accidents. Is this dumb whore's life so much more important than theirs? Answer: No. I'm going to sue people for being fucking stupid and pissing me off.