Wednesday, November 17, 2010

#38: Whenever I Go On Craiglist

It was such a good idea. Its like a street market but on your computer. If everyone knew what they were talking about it would work perfectly. But thats the problem, no one knows what the fuck they're talking about. I keep fooling myself into thinking this time, it will be different...But no. I'll be looking for snowboard gear and there will be gems like this. This kid can't even fucking spell, not a good step in getting me to buy something from him. And 400$ for just a snowboard? I don't care which board it is if you spend more than $300 on a board you are either rich as fuck and definitely don't need to buy shit off craigslist or a dumbass.

Somebody is selling Ed Hardy snowboards...Fuck. Now there are gonna be Guidos on the mountain.

It seems like everyone selling snowboards either is moving to fucking Texas or injured themselves so badly they can't snowboard again. I bet some of these turd suckers stole those boards...Which is probably the most shit head snake move you can pull. One of my buddies got his board stolen on the last day of the season and if I ever find out who did it I will personally have unprotected, extremely rough sex with their girlfriend/wife. Unless their gf/wife is a disgusting heifer or non-existant (likely, because whoever steals boards is a greasy fucking cunt rag), in which case I will cut off said thief's hands, and pour salt into his bleeding stumps. And shit in his fridge. Yes he deserves to die, and I hope he burns in hell.

Here's another good one. This one isn't really a bad deal I guess but what the guy says makes him sound like a humungous douche.

"This is a Forum Snowboard 154. This board is super light compared to any 154 board. It’s a unisex pro board made in Austria where the best boards are developed. That’s probably why this board is the lightest board among all of my friend’s boards even when it’s bigger."

So apparently this guy is an expert on every snowboard ever made that was 154cm long and he KNOWS that it is the lightest. Awesome! Doesn't matter if the fucker is made out of cellophane, its still the lightest, and thats fucking rad (not actually rad at all). Also, it is a unisex pro board. Did you hear that! Unlike all those other snowboards that women can't ride, this one is okay for them to use! Thank the lord. Although there is a picture of a woman on it. Its also pink, orange, and white. But hey I'm not judging ol Joni Malmi because he rips, even if his board is a little effeminate. Finally, he says this:
"So I am often ahead of the pack and higher in the air with less work and less fatigue. Put in your best offer now before it’s gone."

If you say things like "ahead of the pack" and "higher in the air with less work and less fatigue" then I'm sorry, but you suck chode at snowboarding. I can't be 100% sure because I don't know this guy and have never seen him shred. Actually yes I can because he sounds like a fucking twat. But hold on! Put in your best offer now because its going to be gone soon. And so will your opportunity to be higher in the air with less fatigue, so get "ahead of the pack" and buy it (don't)!

No comments:

Post a Comment