This is another one of those things where I just think to myself WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT? On what other article of clothing do you leave the sticker on for it to be cool? None of them. You leave the sticker on when you try it on, because you aren't sure if it will get you pussy yet, but then after that you TAKE THE FUCKING TAG/STICKER OFF
If I were some sort of sociology professor I would turn this into a study on how stupid most people are because the only reason people wear stickers on their hat is because they see other people doing it. Ask someone who does it why they didn't take their sticker off, I guarantee they will say "I dunno it looks cool..." Yes but why does it look cool? Is it cool for people to wonder "Hey that guy may have walked out of the store with that hat, but did he buy it? Or just put it on and leave?" I don't think so. People only do this shit because other people do it. It's a way to have "individuality" without actually being an individual. To put it in a way that doesn't sound so fucking pretentious, its a way for kids to reassure themselves that they aren't fuck heads (even though they are fooling themselves hardcore). These are the same people that wear shoelace belts yet don't skate, and wear beanies that stick up 5 inches off their heads in the middle of August.
1) Shoelace belts are so if your shoelace breaks when you're skating you can have another one, and they are also more comfortable than normal leather belts when doing actual tricks on a skateboard. So when I see 14 year olds walking around in multi color DC's that they've had for 5 months but are not scuffed or dirty at all, pre-ripped jeans with a shoelace belt and an Enjoi t-shirt, just know that you are not cool you are a fucking idiot.
2) Okay bro I get it, you fucking snowboard. So do I! I'm sure you have fun getting high on the lift and 50-50ing boxes with your friends who (like you) all wear tall tees under unzipped jackets and ride skate bananas and look like this guy who is a skier (and a douche) and that's great for you, but its fucking 90 degrees outside and you cannot be comfortable. While you're at it take off that fucking cotton flannel too, this is Washington in the summer, not Northern Alaska. PS fuck you and all your relatives
Friday, August 26, 2011
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
#102: Having A Cold
So I'm sitting here going on day 2 of having a stupid fucking cold and its really starting to piss me the fuck off. Where the fuck are the doctors on this? Here is a quote from an actual legit doctor:
"Hey we got polio under control, we can keep Magic Johnson's HIV positive ass alive for fucking ever, we can perform surgery on your fucking brain to fix it if it gets smashed in in a fucking car accident, we even gave some lady with a monkey a NEW GOD DAMN FACE...But colds are escaping us at the moment. Why don't you just take some fucking Nyquil and maybe it will work and maybe it won't, but if you take the Nyquil you're gonna fall asleep in 20 minutes and there's a 75% chance you will have some sort of fucked up psychedelic dream involving the fat girl from Figure It Out and Kate Gosselin's war-torn vagina."
I'm stuck here using shit paper for Kleenex because I used up all the boxes in the entire house in like 30 minutes. My nose makes me look like Rudolph's pissed off human cousin because apparently blowing your nose every ten seconds irritates the skin on your upper lip/nose, who would have thought(sarcasm)? Not to mention my jaw randomly hurts. Its bad enough I can't smell/taste anything and my nose drips like Sarah Palin's cooch when she sees an animal get shot, but I also can't get comfortable on my god damn memory foam pillow. And if you've ever slept on a memory foam pillow you know those things are baller as fuck. I'm not rich enough to afford that shit in a mattress but pillows are mattresses for your head so its basically the same shit. I wish I could turn into Osmosis Jones (minus the being Chris Rock part) and go inside my body and just beat the shit out of all the cold/virus cells or whatever the fuck they are, I don't know, I got an F in biology.
"Hey we got polio under control, we can keep Magic Johnson's HIV positive ass alive for fucking ever, we can perform surgery on your fucking brain to fix it if it gets smashed in in a fucking car accident, we even gave some lady with a monkey a NEW GOD DAMN FACE...But colds are escaping us at the moment. Why don't you just take some fucking Nyquil and maybe it will work and maybe it won't, but if you take the Nyquil you're gonna fall asleep in 20 minutes and there's a 75% chance you will have some sort of fucked up psychedelic dream involving the fat girl from Figure It Out and Kate Gosselin's war-torn vagina."
I'm stuck here using shit paper for Kleenex because I used up all the boxes in the entire house in like 30 minutes. My nose makes me look like Rudolph's pissed off human cousin because apparently blowing your nose every ten seconds irritates the skin on your upper lip/nose, who would have thought(sarcasm)? Not to mention my jaw randomly hurts. Its bad enough I can't smell/taste anything and my nose drips like Sarah Palin's cooch when she sees an animal get shot, but I also can't get comfortable on my god damn memory foam pillow. And if you've ever slept on a memory foam pillow you know those things are baller as fuck. I'm not rich enough to afford that shit in a mattress but pillows are mattresses for your head so its basically the same shit. I wish I could turn into Osmosis Jones (minus the being Chris Rock part) and go inside my body and just beat the shit out of all the cold/virus cells or whatever the fuck they are, I don't know, I got an F in biology.
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