Friday, October 29, 2010

#24: The Current State Of Children's Cartoons On TV

I fear for the children. What kind of future can we expect for ourselves? It’s looking like when I’m an old man, everyone 5 years or younger than me is going to be an uncreative, lame, stupid piece of shit (except my little cousin Haley). But who can blame them really? Let me just go to Nickelodeon and see what’s on right now... "Ni Hao, Kai-lan". The description of the episode: "On Halloween, Kai-Lan finds a way to cheer up Rintoo, who has sprained his ankle and is sad he can't go trick-or-treating with his friends. Chinese word lesson: jump." WHAT THE FUCK? What kind of stupid ass anime bullshit is this? This kind of show should be on a channel somewhere above 300, if it’s on at all. He sprained his fucking ankle? Doing what? Jumping? Sounds like "Kai-Lan" needs do develop his fucking coordination so he doesn't injure himself doing calisthenics. When I was little, I can remember this one rocket power where Otto broke (not some pussy sprain) his leg because he was doing a double mctwist 900 or some shit. A DOUBLE MCTWIST 900. Not "jumping.” There’s a fucking example for you. At least Otto was trying to do something worthwhile with his life rather than jump around and cry about not going trick or treating. Now let’s see what’s on the Disney Channel... "Imagination Movers. Big Pumpkin Problem: The guys grow a giant pumpkin, but it won't fit through the door." How the FUCK is that an entire episode? How can you call that entertainment? Even for a 5 year old? What happened to movies like "Johnny Tsunami" or "Brink" or "The Even Stevens Movie" or even "Cadet Kelly”? How do you go from bad ass surfers, Shia Labeouf, and Hillary Duff (albeit before she had tits) to a giant fucking pumpkin and 4 guys who look like they are all going to go have a nice game of hide the sausage after the show is over? I don't know. It’s sad. And cartoon network? Now they have shit like "Ben 10", "Sym-Bionic Titan" (I don't even know what that fucking means), and "Chowder"...What the hell is that even about? A show about making soup? Better yet, who gives a fuck what it’s about. I want them to bring back Dexter's Lab! That shit was actually cool. Except when that cunt Dee Dee would fuck with Dexter's Laboratory. That show actually taught me how to spell laboratory because of the way Dexter pronounced it. I learned shit and I had a great time. So thanks guys for pulling a Duke Lacrosse team on my childhood and gang raping it with shit that’s on now.

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