#10: People Who Bring Their Babies Places They Don't Fucking Belong

WHAAAAAA WHAAAAAAAA WHAAAAAAAAA
A baby's cry is probably the worst sound I have ever heard in my entire life. And I’ve heard fat kids having sex on a futon. Fat kids having sex on a futon is like having Jordan fucking Sparks or some bitch with a nice voice singing lullabies to me at bedtime compared to the sound that emanates from a child’s mouth when it is crying. And there seems to always be a fucking baby whenever I go out to eat. A week or so ago, I went to red robin to enjoy a tasty burger. There were TWO FUCKING BABIES. Two! Do I pay 10 dollars and 45 fucking cents to eat a burger in a room that sounds like the Olympic figure skating locker room in 94 after Tonya Harding went Sopranos on Nancy Kerrigan? No I do not. I don't give a flying fuck if you "needed a night out" or if you "couldn’t find a babysitter"... Both not my god damn problem. Leave your fucking kid at home! Surprise! Child rearing takes a lot of responsibility! Maybe if your fat ass can’t stand not going out to red robin a couple times a week then wrap your dick. Or, give it up for adoption at least. And another time, I was at that theater by Lloyd center, the one with all the sketchy crack heads sleeping outside of it, and some idiot brought their baby in there! So while Ben Affleck is going around beating the shit out of people and robbing banks, I hear this:
Baby: WHAAAAAA WHAHAHAHAAAAAA
Mother: Oh sshhh shh shshsh you have to be quiet
Baby (who, coincidentally, is a FUCKING BABY AND DOESNT UNDERSTAND ENGLISH YET): WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Me: *calmly walks back to where the baby is seated, and with the horrified mother looking on, snaps the childs neck, silencing it*
Rest of Room (Including the Father of the Child): *cheers*

OK you got me, I didn’t actually snap the baby's neck, that would be a felony, but you know everyone in there wanted to. Fucking babies. I hate them