#9: Snowboarding In The Olympics

So here I am, sipping on my jack and coke, being pissed off. Why? Cause of fucking snowboarding in the Olympics. Oh I love snowboarding, it's probably my favorite thing to do besides get my dick wet, but all the fucking hype and meatheads that come along with snowboarding being in the Olympics really pisses me off. For example: every single fucking time someone refers to Shaun White as "the greatest snowboarder ever" or "the flying tomato" I want to kill them/burn down their office at NBC. Shaun White is raw at pipe but frankly he looks like a robot. My first girlfriend had more flair at fucking than Shaun White does at snowboarding. And my first girlfriend was a fucking starfish. Oh and I love how everyone was shitting their pants over Shaun Whites double flips in the pipe...guess what? Mike Michalchuk did it 10-15 years ago. And guess what else? Torstein Horgmo did a triple cork in Norway but no one outside of snowboarding cared because he’s not a ginger or sponsored by fucking Totino’s.

Action sports...the stupidest fucking term ever created. What sport doesn’t have action? Besides NASCAR? Btw, did you guys know that NASCAR is an acronym for “Not A Sport, Cunt Asshole Retard!” And HOLY FUCKING SHIT the commentators are clueless. "Oh geez Dan, look at those aerial maneuvers they're pulling off! Frontside Cab ten eighty (you can’t spin frontside cab, it’s not possible) and the amplitude...amplitude is key to a good score. They’re going to have to do some double corks to win. Shaun White please have my child! Back to you Dan!" *smiles like the cash whore she is.

So, in summation, I’m drunk now, there is more to snowboarding than the halfpipe, and please, please, please, do not think Shaun White is the king of snowboarding. He is the marketing tool of snowboarding. (Get it? Marketing TOOL)