#21: PETA

Get a fucking grip you naive fucks. No amount of protesting or complaining or throwing blood on people who wear fur is going to change anyone's mind about eating or wearing animals. Whaaa whaaa so the slaughter house kills baby cows and makes them watch scary movies or whatever so they taste better. Good! I like hamburgers. And sausage. And pretty much every other animal out there. And I sure as fuck don't like them because they hang out with me. The one time I had dealings with PETA it was because they were offering a free shirt to anyone who gave them their e-mail and address. That was over a year ago. You know what I got? Ten stupid ass pamphlets a week about how Bambi's mom is getting raped by the long dick of American consumer culture, or how awesome it would be if everyone wore fig leaves and ate granola. Not even a whiff of a t-shirt. What a shit operation. Do they really think that because some cows and chickens and maybe some little foreign kids are getting overworked and/or slaughtered that I, or America in general, is going to drastically change what they eat? I hope not. You know why it doesn’t work? Why? Because people are selfish assholes. I’m not talking in terms of not holding the door open for some pregnant bitch at Safeway or declining to round up for breast cancer. As long as people aren't in danger of being led to a slaughterhouse they won’t give a fuck if Chicken Little’s getting shot up with more steroids than Barry Bond's ass and beaten like Tina Turner for a week if it tastes good and is cheaper. That's just an oversimplified example of Darwinism, and you can't expect the planet's dominant species (people [excluding Russians]) not to exercise and abuse that power. It's human nature, if you will.

On a broader subject, leave Michael Vick alone. So he fought dogs, and most of them died. Whatev. You fuck heads that complain about this are the same people who, 5 or 6 years ago, bought Vick jerseys and paid 50 dollars for tickets to an NFL game. Do you expect anyone with the kind of money Vick got paid by the NFL to not do anything retarded? Especially when every day he hears on ESPN how awesome and cool he is? You can't have your cake and eat it too sports fans, this isn't Gabourey Sidibe's (that fat whore in Precious) house. Yeah it was fucking retarded of him, and not humane in any way, but fuck, he had 60 million dollars in cash before he was 25. I wouldn't trust anyone with that kind of money, especially someone from Columbine I mean Virginia Tech.