#19: Almost Every Show On MTV

Teen Mom (or 16 and pregnant, or whatever the fuck it’s called, I don’t care): Yes! Pregnant people bitching! And then, after the baby (use some fucking protection, Christ) is born, fat ass white chicks bitching! Every dude's dream show! SIKE. Who the fuck watches this shit? I really want to know where the borderline retarded people live that give this show enough ratings to stay on the air. My bet is east Portland and maybe TVs in abandoned homes in New Orleans that were left on MTV and somehow didn’t lose power. Why don't these people realize that if you have a coke problem, no job, and no boyfriend/husband (HA as if any of those heifers would get married anyways) then maybe ITS NOT A GOOD TIME TO GET KNOCKED UP. And how stupid do those guys feel? "Yeah I wouldn’t change anything bla bla bla, I love my daughter...” Yeah okay let me just call bullshit on that real quick, if you think that knocking some fat cunt up in high school and having to raise a child you are obviously not emotionally, mentally, or financially responsibly ready to care for is a good thing, then I know of a mining company in Chile you should invest in also.

My Super Sweet 16: Literally every time I have watched any part of this show I have wanted to punch a girl in the face. First of all, rich kids piss me the fuck off to begin with, and second of all, these kids are the fucking anti-Christ. They whine incessantly: "Daddy I want a Lexus!" or "Daddy get Usher to come to my party and windmill his dick at us!" Or "I want the Jonas brothers to come and run a train on me and my dumb skank friends!" And then when one of their little bitch wishes isn't granted by their rich ass parent’s they throw a fucking hissy fit. You’d think they were 4 and someone just told them it’s not okay to punch grandpa in the nuts when he's not looking. You want to know what I got for my 16th birthday? I don't fucking remember, because it was my 16th birthday and IT WASN'T THAT BIG OF A FUCKING DEAL. I think I went snowboarding and my mom bought me Wendy's. And you know what? I was probably stoked out of my mind about it. So fuck every single person who has been involved with that clusterfuck they call a show.

Jersey Shore: Okay I watched a couple episodes of the first season, they were alright... But the same shit happens every fucking episode. Some orange retard is mad at another orange retard, they go to the club and get shit faced, the people that were angry at each other yell (or sometimes have a little puss fight that consists of slapping) and then Vinny has a horse cock. The end. Every time. For some reason a lot of whores I know like it and that’s probably why it’s on the air. For the record though, I watched that clip of Snooki getting dome rocked like 50 times and yeah I enjoyed it. Fuck sensitivity.

MADE: Uhh.... Am I the only person who notices that the people on these shows are never actually good at the end? I saw one where a girl wanted to be a basketball player (kind of doomed from the get go but whatever) and at the end she could make 6 out of 10 free throws and was on JV. Is that what being made into a great basketball player entails? If so, I am Magic Fucking Johnson (minus the AIDS, come on now). And some other bitch wanted to be a ballet dancer, that’s just fucking lame anyways. Ballet is for 5 year olds and Russian girls. I want to see one with a woman who gets MADE into someone who can drive down the road without fucking up every ten seconds. Hahaha that’s ridiculous I know, sorry.

Silent Library: This one doesn't even deserve two fucking sentences, that’s how shitty it is.

The Real World: Where do they find these people? Everyone on this show is either a freak or a future (possibly past, I don’t know) serial killer. Real world my ass, how many times does anyone you know get followed around by cameras and forced to do stupid shit like sleep with bums in New Orleans. This isn't Lil Wayne’s biography, and no one gives a shit about homeless people anyways.

Rob Dyrdek's Fantasy Factory: I actually like this show. Their receptionist Chanel is someone who I could see myself having incredibly violent drunken sex with.