#65: Math

Anyone out there who is planning on being an accountant, or a tax person or whatever the fuck its called, just know that you do a useless job. Your life, if you choose to pursue said career paths, can be done faster and more accurately entirely by a computer. Really you are getting paid to press buttons. Your life is a glorified, and yet, paradoxically underwhelming, video game.
Congratulations on wasting your entire college education on trying to become what I can pick up at staples for under 20 dollars.


Math in general has got to be the fucking stupidest thing ever. Oh sure it was great at one point, around, oh I don't know, WHEN JESUS DIED!!!! Until the fucking abacus came along and rendered the ability to count in your head useless!!! Completely and utterly fucking USELESS. Useless like having a land phone line. Useless like "poking" people on Facebook. Useless like Stephen Hawking's legs.
Useless since 1942!


And now guess what, there's an even better and easier way to count shit and it goes by the name of A FUCKING CALCULATOR! You can literally add, subtract, multiply, fucking submultivide, I don't care whatever you want, ANY number that ever existed! Or will exist! I wasted so much fucking time on math in school. The first 6 years (K-6th grade) I learned addition, subtraction, multiplication, division, and OMG long division. Which was nuts back then...Until I learned it took a FRACTION (see what I did there) of the time to press "14" "divided by" "23" and get 0.608695652. That would have taken me longer than it took James Cameron to make Avatar if I had to long divide that shit. Then in middle school it was Algebra where somehow letters were numbers and the little letters were more numbers and just a bunch of confusing shit. Yet, I just got a new more complicated calculator and it still did the math for me. And in high school it was fucking statistics, all kinds of fuckheadery, but I STILL COULD DO IT ALL WITH A FUCKING CALCULATOR.

...Fuck my life


College I'm not too sure because I finally figured out how retarded it was and didn't pay attention. I just stared at this super hot asian chick who was one of those rare asians that didn't have a fucking flat child size ass. I mean her ass was NICE. Fucking asians are always good at that math shit too so you know its useless. What else are asians good at? Kung-Fu? I'll get a gun and shoot you before you can karate kick me. Eating with chopsticks? I'll get a fork. Or a spoon. Or (wait for it) A SPORK. Having little weiners? Not even gonna say anything about that one. Math is fucking lame. I rest my case.