Poems That Don't Rhyme: How fucking easy is it to write these? Seriously, its like those paintings by that little kid that sold for like 300 thousand dollars or some shit. I could write a poem just as good as any other poem that didn't rhyme. I'll do it right now:
Drunken Blumpkin by Josh - 2010
Purple mountain majesties
Living amongst the simple villagers
Putting the pussy into a coma
And shitting in the pool
See its not hard. Or cool. So I don't understand the fucking infatuation poetry queers have with poets who can't even be bothered to think hard enough to find words that rhyme. Fuck em, I say.
Pay Day Candy Bars: Way too many fucking peanuts. Did Mr. Peanut just blow a load on a lump of caramel? Cause that's what it looks like. Fucking gross
Chuck Norris Jokes: Okay Chuck Norris is kind of cool, but those jokes are getting stale faster than Betty White's...well...you get the idea. And they're getting more and more abstract too, there's a point you cross where it goes from funny to just fucking weird and nonsensical (cough Family Guy stop being lazy cough). It'll be something retarded like "Chuck Norris eats cow shit and poops cheeseburgers". I'm over it guys.
Kings Of Leon: Look, they had one average album, two radio hits, and that's it. Give it up, music critics, we don't fucking buy into the fake hick/actual hipster (hickster?) image. Plus their music just isn't that great. I mean come on. Your Sex Is On Fire? What, did they all get VD from some Tonya Harding-esque roadie and then write a song about it? Don't know, don't care.
Glee: I didn't exactly like this show in the beginning, but I could respect what they were doing. Now, they've sold out faster than Ice Cube and the story lines suck. The music sucks. The show blows, but not only that, it compromised its artistic integrity and seemingly wants to be picked up by MTV for its 3rd season or some shit, to be sandwiched at 8 on Thursday night between 16 and Pregnant and Jersey Shore. I assume that most of you tuned out by the end of the first sentence and I apologize but I had to get that off my chest.
People Who Say They Snowboard, Or That They Play The Guitar When Really, They Are Terrible: Pretty self-explanitory. I'll break it down real easy for you, if you play guitar and do any of the following when other people are listening to you play, then you are a poser:
-Playing Eruption. I used to do this a lot and let me tell you from personal experience, its fucking stupid
-Not be able to sing a whole song. If you stop after the first chorus because you don't know the words that makes you look like an idiot AND a shit guitar player. Plus its not that hard to just fucking learn the whole song. And if you can't sing, either join a band or don't play for people cause no one likes instrumental music (unless its amazing grace on bagpipes).
-Playing Time Of Your Life by Green Day. NO. NO no no no...N. O. Never EVER
And the Snowboarding poser list:
-Tucking your pants into your boots. Just looks retarded, and literally everyone I've seen do this ends up being terrible.
-Being russian. Not to be racist (though I realize I am being racist), but they're just annoying as fuck on the mountain. Cool FILA jacket Vladimir, go back to Moscow.
-Riding (not jumping) off the lip to a rail/box but not actually hitting the rail/box. EVERY TIME YOU DO THIS IT FUCKS UP THE LIP FOR PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY HAVE BALLS TO TRY SHIT. I don't care if you eat shit and lay there for 5 minutes blocking the landing, at least you tried. I mean I sucked real bad at one point too. But when I see people just going through the park, and fucking going off the sides of the lip, it saddens me very deeply because YOU FUCKED UP THE LIP. If you don't understand what I'm talking about, then you are one of these fuck heads and you should stay in the little kids park hitting rainbow boxes until you get it.
*your
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