#51: Brenden Fraser's Face (And Everything Else About Him Too)

Brendan Fraser's face is probably the single ugliest thing in the world. If you ever wondered what a person born with down's syndrome would look like if they somehow learned how to talk normally, just picture Brendan Fraser's fat fucking ogre shrek face. God I can't even think about it without wanting to find his parents so I can look them in the eye and ask "Was it worth it?" If either of them said yes, I would probably snap and fucking kill them right there. How does someone whose face looks like a cross between a retarded duck and Hitler's asshole pursue, and achieve, a career in film? What director saw Brendan Fraser and said BY GOD GET HIM IN MY MOVIE HE IS FANTASTIC! That's like saying I'm hungry, I need food. So I'll take this huge steaming pile of shit and stuff my face with it. Maybe the movie gets made, maybe you aren't as hungry, but at what cost? In both cases you just got shit in your face for no reason. Christ and that one movie with Pauly Shore...Encino Man. A more accurate title for that movie would have been Suicide Inducer. Just hearing Pauly Shore's voice is bad enough but when you also have to look at Brendan Fraser's face at the same time its just fucking sick. Not to mention Sean "Brendan Fraser mini" Astin was in that movie too. They live in fucking California, do you really expect me to believe that Brenden Fraser would have stayed frozen even though he was like 5 feet underground? No. Stupid. Stupid stupid stupid. Stupid just like Brendan Fraser's flat fucking platypus face. If Brendan Fraser was laying on the ground, on fire, burning to death I would piss on him to put the flames out. But only so I could then cut his wrists and literally watch his life bleed out of him. If Brendan Fraser, Hitler, and Satan were all in a room, and I had a gun with 3 bullets in it, I would shoot Brendan Fraser 3 times. Twice in the dick. Then, after 45 minutes or whenever I caught my breath from laughing at his pain, I would put a bullet in his temple while Satan gave me a fist bump.