Friday, December 10, 2010

#54: Deer Valley, Alta, Mad River Glen, Taos*

What the hell are those things? Hunting places? Shitty indie bands? No. Something far worse. They are snow resorts in North America that only allow skiers. Now, I'm not going to say I hate all skiers, because that would not be true, but this shit is fucking retarded. Deer Valley "prides itself on guest service, offering everything from ski valets to freshly cut flowers in the bathrooms." Yeah? That sure sounds like great service. They really go the extra mile. Unless you are a dirty grungy angry obnoxious snowboarder, then you can get the hell out and stay out! What a fucking joke. This is a prime example of someone taking snow sports, which I love, and skull fucking every last dollar out of it. Anyone who really cares about the experience of being on the mountain would not exclude people from enjoying it simply because they have one less plank of wood beneath their feet. Alta, like Deer Valley, is in Utah. Alta recieves the highest amount of snowfall in Utah and is known for having some of the steepest and most challenging terrain in America. I went on their website and tried to find a reason for their fuck headedness in the FAQ's but the only one they had up was "is there a terrain park on the mountain?" Their answer? "We found that our skiers were curious about the park, and had a lot of fun times jibbing. But we were astonished to discover that many more of our skiers preferred to use the natural terrain features, on our 2200 Acres, as their 'park'." Sounds like a bunch of fucking old gray bitter assholes who can't deal with progression of their sport. Their reason for not building a park isn't that they don't have a run that would work for a park or that they don't have the resources (which I gurantee they do, since a season pass is over 1000 dollars). No, their reason is that "the other skiers like the natural features more". Who the fuck did they talk to, their friend Gene who is 86 and rides moguls all day? What a fucking joke. This is really the icing on the shit streaked cake here: "Alta is one of the few remaining ski areas for skiers only and where the true feeling of lodge life remains." The true feeling of lodge life definitely not some fucking boy's club where snowboarders aren't allowed like the skiers are Dean Wormer's butt buddy Omega frat and snowboarders are the Delta frat (that was an Animal House reference if you are a fucking nerd and didn't get it). Deer Valley, Taos, they're exactly the same. Just a bunch of privately owned places run by crotchety old men with ED who compensate by banning "those god damn gays on trays who run around and drink and are dangerous". Well you know what Deer Valley, Alta, Mad River Glen, Taos, you can all eat shit and I hope karma fucks you over in the form of a 3 ton avalanche that buries the douchers that go there and your stupid one chair lifts forever.
*edit-Taos actually does allow boarders now so they are off my shit list. The fact that it took so long is still fucking ridiculous though

This is in Whistler but I think it really summarizes how some skiers are faggots and think they are better than everyone. Notice that its only the adults acting like cock gobblers and the kids just want to shred. Not to mention this is in fucking WHISTLER, the biggest fucking resort in North America

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