Who the fuck eats black licorice? It is the worst taste in the entire world. I would rather put anything else, literally anything else, in my mouth. I would rather eat a box full of raccoons that had died in a fire that was started when someone lit a match too close to Nicolas Cage's filthy greasy hair. I would rather submerge my head in a vat of Gabriel Iglesias's body sweat, seal myself in and be forced to drink my way out. Do you even know anybody who likes black licorice? Besides that creepy fuck in Candyland who looks like Willy Wonka fucked a 17th century Spaniard? How does black licorice even continue to get made? Its a god damn disgrace. If more than two people read this then I would say let's fucking start protesting black licorice production but there's not so I won't. Not to mention its a weird fucking word, since when did the letters C and E combine to make a SH sound? Oh that's right fucking never...Not only is it a fucking stupid word, it also is unhealthy for you. Some of the side effects (and I am getting these from a real website) include:
-Impotence. Yeah like anyone who eats black licorice regularly is getting laid anyways. Still a horrible horrible thing. But, it also makes women miss periods so maybe you should sneak some black licorice extract into your girlfriend's food. It wouldn't be the first time something black had an aversion to pregnancies.
-Hypertension. Sweet now this fucking shit can give me a heart attack? You may as well smoke a couple packs and inject cholesterol into your arteries. If black licorice was a character in Harry Potter, it would hang out with Voldemort all the time and probably make weird creepy comments to an underage Hermione. Fucking chimo ass licorice fuck.
So there it is. Black licorice will kill you and make you a limp dick nerd if you eat it. You heard it here first. I can see the newspaper headlines now: "Cliched Angst Ridden Teenager Brings Awareness To How Fucking Lame Black Licorice Is; Carlos Mencia Immediately Ordered To Eat The World's Supply"
Nice dude. Your explanation of why its good is way better than mine of why it sucks
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ReplyDeleteI just happened onto this post while doing a Google search on how to spell this stupid word. This is an old post, but I like it. Some people take other people too seriously. But I feel your angst in regard to this menace. Something SHOULD be done to stop it in its tracks before another entire generation is exposed to this sludge.
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