#75: Football Assholes Who Say That God Made Them Win

I'm not here for a fucking theological debate as to whether god does or does not exist, that would be stupid and no one would ever win. I am also not here to listen to any of you fucks whine about how I didn't capitalize god's name, or that I am taking his name in vain, or that god might be female, wah wah cry wah bitch moan. I really don't give a flying tomato fuck. I do, however, find it extremely exasperating when Tim Tebow or some other bible (t)humping freak talks in his postgame interview about how "god is the reason we won today" or "this team is so good because of the grace of god"...No. First of all, Tebow, you play on Sunday now and that is god's day off, so there's your first clue he doesn't give a shit who wins or loses. Unless you are a jew in which case Saturday is god's day off. Or if you're Muslim (even you Ahmad Rashad, you convertin son of a bitch) in which case Friday is when god throws back a few brews. So from this data we can glean a statistic which is not misleading whatsoever: 33% of known gods do nothing at all on Sunday. So all you christians out there, who the fuck do you think you are? Implying that god worked for you even on his day off, just so the fuck head Broncos can beat the anti christ Ravens and that murdering heathen Ray Lewis? I really doubt it. But for the sake of argument let's say he does care. Maybe he's falling behind in his fantasy league or something, I don't know. Why would he pick one team over the other? Wouldn't all the games be a tie? I thought god loved everyone equally? Are you trying to refute the word of god Tim? :0 That's not a very christian thing to do. In fact its downright sinful. BOOM owned by logic. What about Saturday football? Like college and shit? Well obviously god doesn't give a fuck about them either or else Notre Dame wouldn't suck so much cock. And TCU (Texas Christian University) wouldn't have gotten screwed by the evil BCS.