Let me begin by saying that the first Sandlot is easily on my top 10 list of movies for all time, and probably top 5 as well. If you don't like the Sandlot then you should never show your face in public, since you are a sick fuck and probably dream about raping kittens or some other fucked up shit like that you SICK DISGUSTING FUCK! Sorry about the outburst but I get emotional about this. I mean the Sandlot was the movie that shaped my childhood. I dreamt about kissing my future wife for the first time in a public pool because I tricked her into thinking I was drowning. Then I used "buffalo butt breath" as an insult for like three years. It even introduced me to the fantastic world of misogyny with six little words: "You play ball like a GIRL." But then things went horribly awry. If Porter wasn't good enough to lick the dirt off that rich kid's cleats, then the Sandlot 2 and 3 both weren't good enough to lick the shit out of a hobo's swampy asshole. The second one was exactly the same plot but instead of cool kids there were just a bunch of douche lickers running around being gay. This time the kids didn't hit a Babe Ruth autographed baseball over the fence, they fucking shot a rocket over there. What the fuck does that have to do with baseball? Answer: fucking nothing whatsoever. Oh and by the way there was a FEMALE in this one. Not Smalls' hot mom that got railed by Denis Leary, but some fucking little kid who thought she had equal rights probably because it was 1972 and Janis Joplin was drinking Jack Daniels and hollering about feminism or some shit. What kind of pussy dudes let some wench play baseball with them? Hey little girl, there's a fucking softball field down the street, they have flat pitching areas (not mounds obviously) and 150 foot fences just for you and your weaker gender. The third one is even worse, and all I can say about it is that the entire cast and crew should have been aborted when they were in the womb. I'd like to go back in time and chat with each of their mothers, above a flight of stairs, if you catch my drift. They could have gotten the Jewish people that crucified Jesus and I would respect them more than the cast from the third Sandlot. Disgraceful.
While I was writing this I went to the original Sandlot's wikipedia page, and apparently some guy sued the director because Squints was based on him and he thought it was defamation or something...This is what wikipedia said "In 1998, Michael Polydoros sued 20th Century Fox and the producers of the film for defamation. Polydoros, a childhood classmate of David Mickey Evans, the author and director of The Sandlot, claimed that the character Michael "Squints" Palledorous was derogatory and caused him shame and humiliation. The case reached the California Supreme Court, which found in favor of 20th Century Fox." Uh yeah I'd hate to end up like Squints...Sike you couldn't get any better than going home every night knowing you were gonna rail Wendy Peffercorn. Fucking WENDY PEFFERCORN. Get a grip Polydoros.
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