#72: That Fucking Guy Steve Wilkos

Oh my god Steve fucking Wilkos. I always hated getting sick and staying home from school because inevitably I'd be watching TV and his show would be the only thing on that wasn't a fucking infomercial or a jesus show (which is basically a church infomercial anyways) so I'd get stuck watching some knocked up cunt run her mouth about how La'Kwanzaa won't pay his fucking child support. Then inevitably Steve Wilkos would get up in La'Kwanzaa's face and say some fucking gay bullshit as if he was La'Kwanzaa's dad or something. Steve always made me hate him more than the fucking welfare people who came on his show and had shouting matches.

According to Wikipedia, where everyone gets their information these days, Steve Wilkos "...is an American television personality, a former U.S. Marine and a Lieutenant in the Chicago police. He currently hosts his own talk show, The Steve Wilkos Show, but is best known as the former director of security on The Jerry Springer Show. Wilkos had previously substituted for Springer as host on many occasions before being given his own talk show." If there was a cookbook for making people, and you looked up the recipe for "gigantic asshole", Steve's bio would be the recipe. Unless you meant "gigantic asshole" literally, in which case you would see a picture of Jelisa Castrodale (on account of she probably gets ass railed by dudes on the frequent). Chicago is like a breeding ground for tools. Its not like that place is fun, its always like 20 degrees with a wind chill factor of -50. Plus the Cubs never win shit, I always hear them complain about that too. Yeah? I live in the Northwest, you guys have had a pro baseball team (two, actually) for like 60 years longer than us and we haven't won shit either but you don't her us complaining like a bunch of faggots. Steve's wife's name is Rachelle. Have you ever known a hot chick named Rachelle? No. The only Rachelle I ever knew looked like a meth head, and this was in middle school when we were like 12. Not to mention being in the Marines is gay as shit on your dick...The few, the proud...Is that a gay pride slogan or a Marines commercial? I don't remember. Here's hoping Steve Wilkos' New Year resolution was to slowly but surely kill himself via putting a rock on his gas pedal and falling asleep in the garage in his 1999 Kia that he probably drives (because Kias are fucking lame just like him).