Showing posts with label Ray Lewis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ray Lewis. Show all posts
Saturday, January 15, 2011
#75: Football Assholes Who Say That God Made Them Win
I'm not here for a fucking theological debate as to whether god does or does not exist, that would be stupid and no one would ever win. I am also not here to listen to any of you fucks whine about how I didn't capitalize god's name, or that I am taking his name in vain, or that god might be female, wah wah cry wah bitch moan. I really don't give a flying tomato fuck. I do, however, find it extremely exasperating when Tim Tebow or some other bible (t)humping freak talks in his postgame interview about how "god is the reason we won today" or "this team is so good because of the grace of god"...No. First of all, Tebow, you play on Sunday now and that is god's day off, so there's your first clue he doesn't give a shit who wins or loses. Unless you are a jew in which case Saturday is god's day off. Or if you're Muslim (even you Ahmad Rashad, you convertin son of a bitch) in which case Friday is when god throws back a few brews. So from this data we can glean a statistic which is not misleading whatsoever: 33% of known gods do nothing at all on Sunday. So all you christians out there, who the fuck do you think you are? Implying that god worked for you even on his day off, just so the fuck head Broncos can beat the anti christ Ravens and that murdering heathen Ray Lewis? I really doubt it. But for the sake of argument let's say he does care. Maybe he's falling behind in his fantasy league or something, I don't know. Why would he pick one team over the other? Wouldn't all the games be a tie? I thought god loved everyone equally? Are you trying to refute the word of god Tim? :0 That's not a very christian thing to do. In fact its downright sinful. BOOM owned by logic. What about Saturday football? Like college and shit? Well obviously god doesn't give a fuck about them either or else Notre Dame wouldn't suck so much cock. And TCU (Texas Christian University) wouldn't have gotten screwed by the evil BCS. 
Sunday, January 2, 2011
#68: Stupid Fucking Commercials
Its bad enough watching TV with commercials at all, but sometimes the internet fucking shits the bed for no reason and so I can't watch videos online. Fuck you Comcast. Anyways, whats the deal with the ad people that come up with commercials these days? Does the CEO just fucking let his 3 year old come up with ideas? Old Spice had a couple funny ones with the black guy riding around on horses and shit but then they went too far with the Ray Lewis ones.
Its not really funny anymore its just awkward. Ray Lewis flying into an explosion on a raven makes me want to never ever buy an Old Spice product again, and convince other people to do the same in the hope that they go out of business so they can't make any more retarded commercials. I also really hate the Burger King ones where the Whoppers are all a big family or some shit? And Whopper dad is always fucking yelling at his emo son for being a fuck head or something, I don't know. Ha ha Whopper Jr. is selling himself for a dollar and his dad hates it, funny. Sike. Burger King sucks dick anyways. Take me to Wendy's every time.
The absolute worst are those fucking Truth anti smoking commercials though. I didn't think it was possible but those commercials actually make me want to go out and take up smoking, just to spite those fucking losers in the ads. It seems like they always try to alert cigarette companies to stop making cigarettes because they kill 1200 people a day or something like that. Really though that gets them absolutely fucking nowhere because I doubt executives at Marlboro give a flying fuck. Its like the people at truth just recently learned that cigarettes are bad for you. Hey! We all fucking know that they cause lung cancer and stuff. We don't need these fuck heads to drop a shit ton of body bags on a sidewalk to figure that out. I had an idea for an ad in the style of the truth ads just now. Its really great, really gonna open some people's eyes I think. I'll throw a mannequin off a building into a crowd of people. They will all be like "WTF" and then someone will hold up a sign that says "Lots of people die from suicide attempts each year." Fucking brilliant! Right?
Its not really funny anymore its just awkward. Ray Lewis flying into an explosion on a raven makes me want to never ever buy an Old Spice product again, and convince other people to do the same in the hope that they go out of business so they can't make any more retarded commercials. I also really hate the Burger King ones where the Whoppers are all a big family or some shit? And Whopper dad is always fucking yelling at his emo son for being a fuck head or something, I don't know. Ha ha Whopper Jr. is selling himself for a dollar and his dad hates it, funny. Sike. Burger King sucks dick anyways. Take me to Wendy's every time.
The absolute worst are those fucking Truth anti smoking commercials though. I didn't think it was possible but those commercials actually make me want to go out and take up smoking, just to spite those fucking losers in the ads. It seems like they always try to alert cigarette companies to stop making cigarettes because they kill 1200 people a day or something like that. Really though that gets them absolutely fucking nowhere because I doubt executives at Marlboro give a flying fuck. Its like the people at truth just recently learned that cigarettes are bad for you. Hey! We all fucking know that they cause lung cancer and stuff. We don't need these fuck heads to drop a shit ton of body bags on a sidewalk to figure that out. I had an idea for an ad in the style of the truth ads just now. Its really great, really gonna open some people's eyes I think. I'll throw a mannequin off a building into a crowd of people. They will all be like "WTF" and then someone will hold up a sign that says "Lots of people die from suicide attempts each year." Fucking brilliant! Right?
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