#95: BMX/Mountain Bikes

You guys on your bikes doing flippy whips and flair stalls are SO cool. Haha oops I thought today was "Say the exact opposite of what you mean" day. Now that I know that it isn't, can you fuck heads get a new fucking hobby? Don't give me any stupid shit about how its fucking hard or whatever because I'm sure it is hard to be really good and do a double backflip and shit like that, but its also probably really hard (oral sex pun) to be really good at sucking a dick. That does not, however mean that its super awesome to go around sucking dicks like they were fleshy push pops. I (and everyone else who's not autistic) learned how to ride a bike when I was like 6 but then I moved on to cooler shit like snowboarding and taking dumps facing backwards on the toilet.

BMX: Hey man hop on my pegs and ride with me hehe we're so cool. Nope. You are a fuck head. Even better is when I see kids sitting on the handlebars of some other kids bike. I always think "eat shit eat shit eat shit eat shit" but they never do, its such a buzzkill. Thanks for chopping up the ledges too by the way, ledges are for skateboards. I can't count how many skate spots I have been to where the god damn ledges look like Attila the Hun tried to butt fuck the concrete. I only skate in the summer when its not snowboarding season but still. Don't you guys have some dirt jumps to ride or what.

Mountain Bikes: Mountains. They were made for snowboarding and skiing. Not fucking climbing, or biking, or any other retarded shit that fuck heads like to do. I have heard the argument that mountain biking is way gnarlier than snow sports because "we fall on rocks and dirt not powder man mehhhhhh"...Well if you knew anything about Mt. Hood, a decent powder day happens about 4 times every year. And usually its when the snow is already low, which means we can still fall on rocks we just can't see them before we do land on them cause they happen to be covered by .5 inches of snow. Try sending a 30 foot cliff at 7 at night in 20 degree weather, mountain biking guys, and then we can talk about who is gnarlier. Plus, we are strapped in to our shit. We can't just decide that our dicks are too small halfway through the air and kick the bike away. No. We are going down with that fucker. Which is especially fun on rails. Catching an edge on a rail and falling backwards onto what is either going to be ice, metal, or wood is not a fun thing to do. Last time I checked mountain bikes weren't man enough to even do rails so you guys should probably just STFU and GTFO.