I had a conversation the other day with this chick (sounds boring I know) and she said "Josh you don't do anything to help people. You are just a big meanie. Even though you do have a nice thick cock, that you hilariously nicknamed 'The Undertaker'" And I thought you know what, she is right. Then I decided to do something to help people. Well, first I wrote down the date and time because that was the first time I had ever heard a female be right about something that didn't pertain to a Kardashian. But now, without further ado, I will go online and find some people who need help, and god damn it I will help them.
DEAR ABBY: My husband has been talking about many married couples who take showers together. In fact, he claims that most couples do. Our relationship in the bedroom has been great so far, and I'd like to keep it there. I don't want a twosome in the bathroom. Am I wrong to enjoy my privacy in the shower? -- SQUEAKY CLEAN IN NORTH CAROLINA
Well "squeaky clean" let me tell you a secret. Its not just married couples who take showers together, its every fucking couple that has ever existed that does it. What kind of a fucking prude doesn't want to shower with their bf/gf? The object of a shower with another person isn't to get clean its to fucking have sex obviously. If you write in to dear abby, I'm gonna take a wild guess and say that you are in the twilight of your life. Which is fantastic and all, congrats for surviving polio I guess, but my point is this. You should be happy that your husband even realizes you still have a vagina. Most of the married couples I've been around have the sexual energy of Raisin Bran. So go ahead and drop the soap because bumpin uglies in the shower is a great time for everyone involved. And lick your titties or something too I'm sure he will like that.
DEAR ABBY: I am a high school senior who is worried about leaving my older sister. "Jamie" is 10 years older and moved back home with my parents and me after she finished college. She takes medication because of her anxiety and stays in her room most of the time. In the six years that Jamie has lived here she has made no friends or acquaintances. I believe I'm the only person she has a relationship with other than her therapist. As I spend more time on schoolwork and projects and less time with her, she feels ignored and becomes desperate to spend time with me. I feel I'm her only link to the outside world. I'm worried that when I move away she'll lose that connection and not make any attempts to find a relationship or a job.
I care deeply about Jamie, but I want to go to college. How can I help her to get moving? -- MY SISTER'S KEEPER IN ILLINOIS
Hey, yeah, sounds like Jamie has an absolutely horrible life. A degree, a family who puts up with her shit, and a home. She may as well kill herself now. SIKE what the fuck is wrong with people these days. She has no friends? There's no substance or chemical that can make you more friendly and outgoing so she is fucked on that one. Oh wait a second, maybe she could just GET A FUCKING LIFE AND DRINK SOME ALCOHOL WITH OTHER PEOPLE HER AGE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE ON THE ENTIRE FUCKING PLANET. Get a fucking grip. This Jamie cunt sounds like one of those people that could complain about the heat on a trip to Disneyland. I have no time for these people, and neither should you. If they want to sit around talking about their feelings for 34.50 an hour than by all means, go right the fuck ahead. Meanwhile, what's your number "sister's keeper"? And where are you going to college? Cause if you're trying to get railed (and I know you are) maybe we could hang out with our things out.
You know I feel great right now. I just love to help people! If anyone out there has a question, or a problem, I'd be happy to help them with it. Just write it in the comments and I will answer to the best of my knowledge!
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