#94: The Host In Minute To Win It

I did a little research and I guess this guy's name is actually Guy. Guy Fieri...Now, I'm going to pose a question to you and I want you to think real hard. Put your thinking pants on for this one. Have you ever met or heard about someone named "Guy" and not instantly wanted to push him off a freeway bridge? Preferably one that's over something more "concrete" than water (that was a pun)? No you have not. If you have, I want you to real quick do something for me and that something is play on the freeway at night in black clothing. Back to this Guy guy...I believe he was at one point some sort of cook, or chef, or whatever the fuck it is fat assholes who stare at food all day call themselves. He looks like a pudgy more gay Lance Bass. What the fuck is up with that hair? Lance Bass is a huge homo and he doesn't even frost his tips anymore. Get the fuck out of here with that shit. Not everything in the 90s was cool, unfortunately. His wikipedia page says that he got a Bachelor's degree in "Hospitality Management" from UNLV. Aka he did nothing with his life while in college. He has also been in an Aflac commercial with that stupid duck. If you are wondering why the duck is so fucking stupid and its voice makes you want to end the life of any duck you ever see, its because Gilbert Gottfried is the voice of the duck. No am I not making this up. That means Gilbert Gottfried and some fuck head who used to be a professional woman aka he cooked food for a living were in the same scene. Those two people combined have got to be stupider than John Travolta's dead son(was). Oh too soon(no)?...I don't give a fuck if Gilbert was Zazu in Lion King, Zazu was a piece of shit nag who ruined everyone's fun all the time. Even when I was 6 I knew that he was a fucking buzzkill and I didn't want anything to do with him. Guy Fieri has also been in commercials for T.G.I. Friday's, which is about 3 notches above Applebee's on the "places I'd rather commit arson to than eat at" scale. And Applebee's is pretty far down on that scale. Guy is also of Italian and Irish ancestry, which means he is going to be a fat stupid alcoholic, if he isn't already. His original last name was Ferry, but he changed it to Fieri since I guess he felt he wanted people to think he was an even bigger douche than he already was? I don't know. He said it was because he wanted to identify more with his Italian heritage. Well here's and idea for you GUY if Italy is so great why don't you fuck off and live there forever and ever.