#87: More Stupid Fucking Sayings That Are Stupid

Life is too short-Is it though? How many things are you going to do that will last longer than the course of your life? Oh that's right fucking nothing. People say this to me when I don't feel like doing something retarded, like "come on dude just shit on this guy's lawn with us. Life is too short." Well actually, IT'S REALLY NOT THAT FUCKING SHORT AND I FAIL TO SEE HOW TAKING A DUMP ON SOME FUCK HEAD'S GRASS IS GONNA MAKE IT GO BY ANY SLOWER

Don't bite off more than you can chew-Is this even fucking possible? You can't take a bite of something WITH YOUR OWN MOUTH and then have said bite be more than you can chew WITH YOUR OWN MOUTH. Its simple fucking math people. If you can't chew it, its not gonna fit into your mouth in the first place (insert dick joke here).

Have your cake and eat it too-Okay, thanks? Does anyone ever come into possession of a cake without intending to also eat it? No one fucking goes around buying cakes to put on the wall for their cake collection.

Lastly, there are two sayings that I suppose make sense on their own, but so many whores use them that I noticed they DON'T FUCKING MAKE ANY SENSE TOGETHER. If one of these is true then the other one can't be just by process of logic.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder-This is what dumb cunts say when they have to be away from their precious boyfriend/husband that they cannot function for more than a day without, or when they have just watched the Notebook and are feeling philosophical. And by philosophical I mean they looked up myspace quotes online.

Out of sight, out of mind-This is what dumb cunts say when they have just recently become single and they want to forget about their boyfriend/husband. If they can't see them, then obviously that means they are totally over him and are ready to mingle (aka get plowed after drinking with a guy named Frank at a shitty bar and then cry on the taxi ride home in the morning)...

LOL one of these sayings has got to go. Either someone is gone and you don't miss them or they're gone and you miss them more. Seriously. It's fucking ridiculous. The shit people will say to make themselves feel better. Just stop and think about what you are saying before you say it and then (not a guarantee for you females out there) you won't sound like a dumb fuck.