#88: Uneducated Fucks

"Hey wait a minute you didn't even finish college you fucking hypocrite!" Fuck you, I'm not talking about knowing useless shit like "moles" or "Spanish" or "women's studies". I'm talking about those people that are just straight up stupid. Like they wouldn't be able to tell their asshole from a bird's nest. A hallmark of being an uneducated fuck is acting like you know a lot about something when really the things that come out of your mouth make no fucking sense to normal people. Like that new Skins show on TV, people keep saying how awesome and original it is, and then other people will complain about how sleazy and inappropriate it is. Both of these stances are completely fucking retarded. One, like the Office, Skins is a remake of a british sitcom series. And I've seen parts of the british one, its a little more dry humor but its basically the SAME FUCKING SHIT BUT WITH LIMEY FUCKING ACCENTS. Two, its not all that graphic. Sure maybe the characters spout crude sayings and say fucked up shit from time to time but frankly if you are letting your kids watch MTV and then getting offended, you're a dipshit anyways. What about Teen Mom? Hey let's encourage 16 year olds to get knocked up and ruin their fucking lives so they can get their Warholish 15 minutes. That is some messed up exploitative shit and yet I never hear anyone complain about that show unless its because some high school cunt I'm friends with on Facebook thinks one of the girls is ugly or bitchy and has to post about it.
Another thing that just makes me fucking want to hang a cat is when people don't know that a new popular song is just a fucking cover of an old song(s) that deserves the credit but won't because Kid Rock is more popular today than Lynyrd Skynyrd and Warren Zevon. Kid Rock didn't write anything on that horrendous "All Summer Long" song besides the shitty lyrics, which are basically about him singing "Sweet Home Alabama" anyways. Other covers that no one seems to fucking know about because people suck in general:
Hurt by Johnny Cash-Actually by Nine Inch Nails (more specifiacally Trent Reznor) 8 years prior. The cover is pretty good though so it's not as bad when people don't know this one.

American Woman by Lenny Kravitz-Originally by the Guess Who. Not the Who you dumb fuck, the Guess Who. Lenny Kravitz is a fuck head and represents everything I disliked about the 90s, most notably black/jewish people.

Drift Away by Uncle Kracker-Originally by Doby Gray in like '74 or some shit. Uncle Kracker is just a shit stain on the underwear of music. That song "Smile" reminds me of a girl who didn't put out, so that sucks too.

Love Song by 311-Originally by the Cure. I knew this girl who liked 311, I touched her boob once, but that's not the point. The point is that 311 should not be allowed to continue making music because they are shit.

Home Sweet Home by Carrie Underwood-Motley Fucking Crue...I hope no one actually thinks Carrie Slutderwood actually wrote that song because then I'd have to literally murder them. What the fuck was she thinking anyways? Honestly?

The First Cut Is The Deepest by Sheryl Crow-Originally by Cat Stevens. If you don't know who Cat Stevens is, you don't deserve to have an opinion on music. Fact. Plus, Sheryl Crow is hot but she got dumped by a dude with one testicle so she must have a crappy personality or cross-eyed nips or something weird going on.

Lastly, people who think a healthy relationship means making your significant other a part of EVERY SINGLE FUCKING THING YOU DO. I get it, you guys are in love and life is a fucking fairytale, yeah good for you. But, I don't need to see 10 fucking facebook posts a day about how you "miss your snuggle buddy!" or that you "haven't seen my babyhoneycakes in 2 days so sadddd :(((((" or the "where were you? What did you do last night? Huh huh huh?" fucking quadruple texts to the other person because that's not how you cultivate a healthy working relationship between two equals. That's more of a host/parasite thing, and historically that hasn't worked out well for one or both of you.

#79: Stupid Whores Pt. II

There are so many stupid fucking whores out there. They just keep pissing me off and doing stupid whore shit. You'd think that eventually whores would learn to not be whores but NO they do not, because that is the nature of a dumb fucking whore. I don't mean whore in the literal sense because we've all had a use for actual whores at some point (blumpkins anyone?) I just mean it in the most derogatory sense towards a female possible. Let me put it this way, getting railed a bunch doesn't make you a stupid fucking whore in my book but saying dumb shit out loud to a group of people like "hahahehe oh my god I just need some dick right now" does. And don't think for a second I've never heard anyone say that in real life. Because I have. Verbatim. Here are a few examples of things stupid fucking whores will do, just so you can try to avoid them in the future.

-Come to a party with a dude yet not know anyone else there, just so they have a place to drink at.
Hey look, if you aren't cool enough to know anyone with parents that buy booze, or if you don't know anyone over the age of 21, then you should not be at a fucking party. I went through my stupid little high school party phase too and let me tell you, its really fucking lame. You may think that its super cool cause you're sitting in the corner with your little whore friend drinking smirnoff, but really you just weird everyone else out since you are like 16. Plus, any dude that would let you come to a party with you and buy you alcohol is a creeper. He definitely wants to fuck you and if you get too drunk you might have a statutory situation on your hands. No one wants that.
-Wear clothes that definitely do not fucking fit
Nice fucking skirt Shamu, I can almost smell the shit stains on your thong from across the room. No one wants to see your ass hanging out. If it doesn't look good in jeans, its not going to look good without them. That is a scientific fact. Also, muffin tops should be something you eat, not something you gag at as they waddle past you.
-Say anything regarding drama
If you are with a girl that says she hates drama, or loves drama, it doesn't matter, because inevitably they mean the same thing. It means that this fucking whore gets/starts drama wherever she fucking goes because she doesn't know how to be a god damn normal member of society. People who don't engage in "drama" don't fucking talk about drama because doing so makes you sound like you're on the set of Mean Girls or some fucking adolescent shit like that. Girls who say that their only friends are guys, this means you too. If you can't fucking be around other females without starting shit then a) you have stupid fucking whore friends, which is your fault, or b)you are a stupid fucking whore towards other girls, which is still your fault.