It was such a good idea. Its like a street market but on your computer. If everyone knew what they were talking about it would work perfectly. But thats the problem, no one knows what the fuck they're talking about. I keep fooling myself into thinking this time, it will be different...But no. I'll be looking for snowboard gear and there will be gems like this. This kid can't even fucking spell, not a good step in getting me to buy something from him. And 400$ for just a snowboard? I don't care which board it is if you spend more than $300 on a board you are either rich as fuck and definitely don't need to buy shit off craigslist or a dumbass.
Somebody is selling Ed Hardy snowboards...Fuck. Now there are gonna be Guidos on the mountain.
It seems like everyone selling snowboards either is moving to fucking Texas or injured themselves so badly they can't snowboard again. I bet some of these turd suckers stole those boards...Which is probably the most shit head snake move you can pull. One of my buddies got his board stolen on the last day of the season and if I ever find out who did it I will personally have unprotected, extremely rough sex with their girlfriend/wife. Unless their gf/wife is a disgusting heifer or non-existant (likely, because whoever steals boards is a greasy fucking cunt rag), in which case I will cut off said thief's hands, and pour salt into his bleeding stumps. And shit in his fridge. Yes he deserves to die, and I hope he burns in hell.
Here's another good one. This one isn't really a bad deal I guess but what the guy says makes him sound like a humungous douche.
"This is a Forum Snowboard 154. This board is super light compared to any 154 board. It’s a unisex pro board made in Austria where the best boards are developed. That’s probably why this board is the lightest board among all of my friend’s boards even when it’s bigger."
So apparently this guy is an expert on every snowboard ever made that was 154cm long and he KNOWS that it is the lightest. Awesome! Doesn't matter if the fucker is made out of cellophane, its still the lightest, and thats fucking rad (not actually rad at all). Also, it is a unisex pro board. Did you hear that! Unlike all those other snowboards that women can't ride, this one is okay for them to use! Thank the lord. Although there is a picture of a woman on it. Its also pink, orange, and white. But hey I'm not judging ol Joni Malmi because he rips, even if his board is a little effeminate. Finally, he says this:
"So I am often ahead of the pack and higher in the air with less work and less fatigue. Put in your best offer now before it’s gone."
If you say things like "ahead of the pack" and "higher in the air with less work and less fatigue" then I'm sorry, but you suck chode at snowboarding. I can't be 100% sure because I don't know this guy and have never seen him shred. Actually yes I can because he sounds like a fucking twat. But hold on! Put in your best offer now because its going to be gone soon. And so will your opportunity to be higher in the air with less fatigue, so get "ahead of the pack" and buy it (don't)!
Showing posts with label Stupid. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Stupid. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
#37: People Who Can't Fucking Spell Or Use Correct Grammar To Save Their God Damn Lives
Holy SHIT where do I even begin. It's like the plague in London way back in the day, except people aren't dying they are just pissing me the fuck off with their shit grammar. Even the word grammar gives people trouble, its like 50/50 whether someone spells it right or spells it 'grammer'. I don't really mind if it's in a text message or something unimportant. But in emo facebook statuses and school papers and shit like that where people obviously have thought about every word they wrote down, I still see more fuck-ups than an episode of Maury. I'm going to go on facebook right now actually, and take some examples of people I know. Hopefully one of them reads this and gets embarrassed so much it encourages them not to suck at their native fucking language that they have spoken since, well, since THEY LEARNED HOW TO FUCKING SPEAK (keep in mind that this is meant to be humorous, don't hate me just because I call out your shit grammar).
"Jameson, its definatly NOT a personal problem." Its definitely NOT spelled like that. What is the word definitely derived from? I'm not sure the complete etymology but it would appear to come from the word DEFINITE. So how did that little "ly" on the end trick you into thinking that an 'a' also snuck in there? I don't fucking know. The word doesn't even fucking sound like it has an 'a' in it. Christ.
"i think it's time i payed more attention to my piano again." First of all, congrats on putting the period at the end. You were concerned about that but you didn't decide to capitalize the first word. Interesting. Also, payed is the word people use when they are speaking English as a second language. Yes, technically it is correct but it looks weird and your name isn't Juan so just use paid instead.
"You take my breath away, your a supernova :)" Oh boy. This one takes me back to #16...I don't give a fuck if it is an Eminem song, its not a good one. Anyways, this brings me to a crucial point in the lecture i.e., which type of "your" to use. In this case, it would be "you're". You are. It's a contraction. See what they did there? Really not that hard. And while we're on the subject, let's talk about they're/their/there. I don't understand how someone can fuck that up.
They're = They are, as in: I hate people on facebook, THEY'RE so fucking horrible at grammar.
Their = Possession, as in: If they don't cut that shit out I'm going to shove THEIR heads so far up THEIR assholes that they will be tasting THEIR own colon.
There = Where something is, as in: Look over THERE, that guy is getting punched repeatedly in the cock for not knowing which word to use.
It really is that simple!
Another super fun thing people do is to put apostrophes where they don't fucking belong. In fact, I've seen people write out the word apostrophes WITH an apostrophe! How awesome! Example sentences:
-I bought so many black dildo's at the porn shop today!
-I love a good reaming in every last one of my hole's ;)
-Hehe, I love putting hearts instead of actual apostrophe's when I write letters to my boyfriend who is in orchestra and has a 3 inch penis :p
Hoo boy. Those apostrophes (note the lack of an actual apostrophe) are more unwelcome than a mexican in Arizona! Plurals do not, I repeat, DO NOT warrant apostrophes. UNLESS, the word ends in 's'. I am no English professor, but I am pretty sure apostrophe does NOT end in 's'! Here's an easy way to check if you're unsure.
Step 1: Hope your mom didn't consume mass quantities of alcohol when you were in the womb.
Step 2: In case step 1 (see previous) is not possible, look at the last letter of the word. Is this letter an 's'? If so, then you should probably put that little old apostrophe riiight there on the end. If not, congratulations! You can now put an 's' on the end (without an apostrophe now! careful!), making it plural.
"Jameson, its definatly NOT a personal problem." Its definitely NOT spelled like that. What is the word definitely derived from? I'm not sure the complete etymology but it would appear to come from the word DEFINITE. So how did that little "ly" on the end trick you into thinking that an 'a' also snuck in there? I don't fucking know. The word doesn't even fucking sound like it has an 'a' in it. Christ.
"i think it's time i payed more attention to my piano again." First of all, congrats on putting the period at the end. You were concerned about that but you didn't decide to capitalize the first word. Interesting. Also, payed is the word people use when they are speaking English as a second language. Yes, technically it is correct but it looks weird and your name isn't Juan so just use paid instead.
"You take my breath away, your a supernova :)" Oh boy. This one takes me back to #16...I don't give a fuck if it is an Eminem song, its not a good one. Anyways, this brings me to a crucial point in the lecture i.e., which type of "your" to use. In this case, it would be "you're". You are. It's a contraction. See what they did there? Really not that hard. And while we're on the subject, let's talk about they're/their/there. I don't understand how someone can fuck that up.
They're = They are, as in: I hate people on facebook, THEY'RE so fucking horrible at grammar.
Their = Possession, as in: If they don't cut that shit out I'm going to shove THEIR heads so far up THEIR assholes that they will be tasting THEIR own colon.
There = Where something is, as in: Look over THERE, that guy is getting punched repeatedly in the cock for not knowing which word to use.
It really is that simple!
Another super fun thing people do is to put apostrophes where they don't fucking belong. In fact, I've seen people write out the word apostrophes WITH an apostrophe! How awesome! Example sentences:
-I bought so many black dildo's at the porn shop today!
-I love a good reaming in every last one of my hole's ;)
-Hehe, I love putting hearts instead of actual apostrophe's when I write letters to my boyfriend who is in orchestra and has a 3 inch penis :p
Hoo boy. Those apostrophes (note the lack of an actual apostrophe) are more unwelcome than a mexican in Arizona! Plurals do not, I repeat, DO NOT warrant apostrophes. UNLESS, the word ends in 's'. I am no English professor, but I am pretty sure apostrophe does NOT end in 's'! Here's an easy way to check if you're unsure.
Step 1: Hope your mom didn't consume mass quantities of alcohol when you were in the womb.
Step 2: In case step 1 (see previous) is not possible, look at the last letter of the word. Is this letter an 's'? If so, then you should probably put that little old apostrophe riiight there on the end. If not, congratulations! You can now put an 's' on the end (without an apostrophe now! careful!), making it plural.
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