Showing posts with label Tim Tebow. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tim Tebow. Show all posts
Saturday, January 15, 2011
#75: Football Assholes Who Say That God Made Them Win
I'm not here for a fucking theological debate as to whether god does or does not exist, that would be stupid and no one would ever win. I am also not here to listen to any of you fucks whine about how I didn't capitalize god's name, or that I am taking his name in vain, or that god might be female, wah wah cry wah bitch moan. I really don't give a flying tomato fuck. I do, however, find it extremely exasperating when Tim Tebow or some other bible (t)humping freak talks in his postgame interview about how "god is the reason we won today" or "this team is so good because of the grace of god"...No. First of all, Tebow, you play on Sunday now and that is god's day off, so there's your first clue he doesn't give a shit who wins or loses. Unless you are a jew in which case Saturday is god's day off. Or if you're Muslim (even you Ahmad Rashad, you convertin son of a bitch) in which case Friday is when god throws back a few brews. So from this data we can glean a statistic which is not misleading whatsoever: 33% of known gods do nothing at all on Sunday. So all you christians out there, who the fuck do you think you are? Implying that god worked for you even on his day off, just so the fuck head Broncos can beat the anti christ Ravens and that murdering heathen Ray Lewis? I really doubt it. But for the sake of argument let's say he does care. Maybe he's falling behind in his fantasy league or something, I don't know. Why would he pick one team over the other? Wouldn't all the games be a tie? I thought god loved everyone equally? Are you trying to refute the word of god Tim? :0 That's not a very christian thing to do. In fact its downright sinful. BOOM owned by logic. What about Saturday football? Like college and shit? Well obviously god doesn't give a fuck about them either or else Notre Dame wouldn't suck so much cock. And TCU (Texas Christian University) wouldn't have gotten screwed by the evil BCS. 
Friday, December 10, 2010
#55: Jelisa Castrodale
Who? Go read this first.
First, I'd like to point out the obvious mistake by NBC, which was letting a woman talk about sports. Not surprisingly, she talks about babies, furniture, and facebook in the first sentence without getting to her point, or really even mentioning her point at all. She seems to think that Cam Newton should give the Heisman back. Really? Since when did the fucking Heisman voting become an election that takes into account someone's character? No one took away O.J. Simpson's Heisman when he was accused of murder, but once Cam Newton's dad accepts a car then its LIGHTS FUCKING OUT for Cam. On a more personal level, this lady is a horrible fucking journalist. I don't know whose dick she sucked to get that job, but it must have been someone pretty high up. Just listen to this gem of a metaphor: "He was such a force of nature that I half-expected The Weather Channel’s Jim Cantore to give mid-game reports from the Jordan-Hare sideline, while swaddled in some kind of weatherproof garment." Wow! That was amazing! She actually knows the name of Auburn's stadium! What a smart fucking slut! The metaphor itself is shit and I come up with better ones on a daily basis, just read the other posts on this blog, but wow! A woman knowing something about sports. Incredible. Wait...No. Sorry. She goes on to say this: "In November 2009, Newton’s father, Cecil, attempted to sell his son’s right arm to Mississippi State University, using an intermediary to tell the school that it would take 'more than a scholarship'". Ahh see she ruined it. His son's right arm? Obviously it would be his right arm and his legs if she knew anything about Cam Newton as a player, because Newton is the best scrambling QB since fucking Tim "bible Humper" Tebow. Just a stupid rookie mistake there. Then she goes on to quote the NCAA as saying that Cam Newton didn't know what his father had said or done. The fucking NCAA. You know, the people who give out the Heisman? I think that they should be the judge of that, not some fucking atrocious cunt with a name like Jelisa. The rest of the article is just a rant on how Cam Newton would be such a great guy if he gave the Heisman back after he won. Christ. Fucking women. Yeah Cam, just give it back. Even though you were reinstated by the NCAA 24 hours after being suspended, even though a court of law has found no wrongdoing on your part, give the HEISMAN FUCKING TROPHY BACK because some bitch name Jelisa (fucking JELISA!) thinks you made some questionable decisions when you were 17. Get a fucking life Jelisa and stop saying shit like "This won’t happen anywhere but in the super-awesome dream lobe of my brain, which is also the place where Tina Fey is my best friend and George Clooney is my duvet cover and I sweat pure Oreo filling." That right there just demolishes any credibility she may have had as a journalist.
First, I'd like to point out the obvious mistake by NBC, which was letting a woman talk about sports. Not surprisingly, she talks about babies, furniture, and facebook in the first sentence without getting to her point, or really even mentioning her point at all. She seems to think that Cam Newton should give the Heisman back. Really? Since when did the fucking Heisman voting become an election that takes into account someone's character? No one took away O.J. Simpson's Heisman when he was accused of murder, but once Cam Newton's dad accepts a car then its LIGHTS FUCKING OUT for Cam. On a more personal level, this lady is a horrible fucking journalist. I don't know whose dick she sucked to get that job, but it must have been someone pretty high up. Just listen to this gem of a metaphor: "He was such a force of nature that I half-expected The Weather Channel’s Jim Cantore to give mid-game reports from the Jordan-Hare sideline, while swaddled in some kind of weatherproof garment." Wow! That was amazing! She actually knows the name of Auburn's stadium! What a smart fucking slut! The metaphor itself is shit and I come up with better ones on a daily basis, just read the other posts on this blog, but wow! A woman knowing something about sports. Incredible. Wait...No. Sorry. She goes on to say this: "In November 2009, Newton’s father, Cecil, attempted to sell his son’s right arm to Mississippi State University, using an intermediary to tell the school that it would take 'more than a scholarship'". Ahh see she ruined it. His son's right arm? Obviously it would be his right arm and his legs if she knew anything about Cam Newton as a player, because Newton is the best scrambling QB since fucking Tim "bible Humper" Tebow. Just a stupid rookie mistake there. Then she goes on to quote the NCAA as saying that Cam Newton didn't know what his father had said or done. The fucking NCAA. You know, the people who give out the Heisman? I think that they should be the judge of that, not some fucking atrocious cunt with a name like Jelisa. The rest of the article is just a rant on how Cam Newton would be such a great guy if he gave the Heisman back after he won. Christ. Fucking women. Yeah Cam, just give it back. Even though you were reinstated by the NCAA 24 hours after being suspended, even though a court of law has found no wrongdoing on your part, give the HEISMAN FUCKING TROPHY BACK because some bitch name Jelisa (fucking JELISA!) thinks you made some questionable decisions when you were 17. Get a fucking life Jelisa and stop saying shit like "This won’t happen anywhere but in the super-awesome dream lobe of my brain, which is also the place where Tina Fey is my best friend and George Clooney is my duvet cover and I sweat pure Oreo filling." That right there just demolishes any credibility she may have had as a journalist.
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